Currently Horrorscope By Eve 6 Promise see related

The great epic NOTHING.

God, Please bring the rain.

Currently Listening The Perfect Drug By Nine Inch Nails The Perfect Drug see related

Work.

I hate Schwebels. Schwebels hates me.

I am beginning to lose interest in everything. I dont care about playing drums or music in general. I'm not "upset" about it. Im just tired of what I do. I am going to jam with an old friend and maybe something will come from it, maybe not. I don't care really. I would like it to, but if no, then ok. I dont know what I care about. I care about Chrysta. Thats about it.

Why do I even write here. Not many, if any people read it, and its not for anybody to read anyway. I suppose I write stuff to read about it later? A very small insight for myself into my brain? I have so many weird thoughts. 

I have to pee, but I dont want to get up. I am very tired.

Yesterday, I said bye to the sun, as though it was an old friend that I'd promised to spend time with.

...And I failed that old friend. I did not emerge from the factory until Mr. Sun was long gone. I proceeded to further neglect our friendship on this day as well. This really saddened me yesterday. And today. Being inside all summer can truly make you crazy, if it doesn't cause an extrordinary case of depression. I need to see the sun.

I am a tired, broken man. And I am falling apart.

"I come along but I dont know where youre taking me
I shouldnt go but youre reaching back and shaking me
Turn off the sun, pull the stars from the sky
The more I give to you, the more I die"

Currently Listening The Balancing Act By Cool Hand Luke Rest For The Weary see related

No Time. No Time At All.

I have so much crap I want to do, and I can't even remember any of it. I want to start a band. I need money. I want to play my drums. I want to be tired. I am ready to start working at Schwebels. That will be a good thing. Goodbye life... Hello money. I wish I was poetic, and capable of writing pretty songs. Not about girls or faggy stuff like that, that's a waste of music. But I would like to write about stuff that matters, like God. I have a bag of reeses pieces, and although I am not hungry, I want to eat them. My typing skills are terrible. I eat when I'm bored. I am lost. I don't know where I am on the map. I have changed so much in the past few months. I have realized a few things. My perspective has always been odd to most people. God has blessed (sometimes I call it "burdened") me with the mind I have, and it is a weird one. Often people criticize my perspective, because they are too simple to understand what I am trying to say. If you think I am being cocky for saying this, you are one of those people. I feel that some of my realizations are ones that most people aren't capable of acknowledging. One of them being that Gods plan isn't always a four year degree. Sometimes I wish I could think differently than I do. That sounds really dumb, and if I come up with a better way of explaining it, I will let you know. I am always analyzing, and comparing, and thinking, and attemting to understand everything around me and I can't stop. I never ever stop. ever. I dont sleep much, and that is the only time it ends.

I wish I could just stop.

I just want to stop. Just for a minute.

It looks like no sleep tonight.

I am not even tired. I never am really. I had a chicken burrito yesterday. Sort of today. (Sleep doesn't divide days, time does silly!) As I always say "There is plenty of time to sleep when you're dead." Its amazing how things feel when you just dont go to sleep.

Justin just got up for school. He is taking a shower. I just heard it turn on. I like showers. I like to take really really long showers. I make them as hot as possible too. Like burning hot. It hurts my skin for a few seconds, and then it doesn't hurt, like it goes numb or something. Either way, ultimately it feels very good. The poms are going CRAZY. I want to go scream at them. It sounds like a pet shop up there. 4 dogs barking and yelping all together in this disorderly barrage of stupid. I have never seena amore pathetic breed of dogs. Even if Ronda doesnt get up, as soon as the sun rises, they all just go insane and dont stop barking for hours. Monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, sunday, if there was an eighth day, the would bark then too. It makes me wonder, do they bark at eachother? At nothing? They shake their cages. It's ridiculous. Even if I wanted to go to sleep not, it would be impossible. Have you ever seen a person love their dogs more than their children? I have.

And the barrage continues. I am going to go help my grandmother move this morning. The house she was renting was sold. So... She got an apartment. I ate coco wheats this evening. I dont know what I did wrong, but they were particularly bland this tonight. Luke ate a toaster strudel. Ronda is up now, to heed the call of her babies.

They are number one after all.